OSWEGO COUNTY – Local bird experts and aficionados are forecasting the flocking of flamingos in Oswego County over the next several weeks. The cause is uncertain, but some think the tall birds are preparing to feast on the 17-year cicadas that are expected to emerge this year. For some reason, the flamingos only tend to flock around the homes of prominent local citizens held in high esteem by their “friends and neighbors.”
Anyone wishing to take advantage of this phenomenon may do so by calling 315-343-6491 from now until June 20. On payment of a proportional contribution, flocks of various numbers can be made to mysteriously appear on and later disappear from any residential property not protected by flamingo anti-flocking insurance, also available at the same phone number. Flamingos will not flock on public land or apartment complexes.
One local resident mistook the birds for chickens, the largest he had ever seen. “Why, one drumstick could feed a family of four.” A local woman, the mother of four preschoolers, said, “If those storks show up around here, I’ll wring their necks.” A group of patrons leaving a local tavern at closing time misunderstood the word “flamingo” they had heard inside the bar and were excited about the possibility of seeing a group of flamenco dancers.
For the sake of truth in the media, this is a fundraising project of the Oswego County Salvation Army. The project is meant to be in good fun and earn money to support the many services of The Salvation Army for people in need throughout Oswego County.