| April 16th is National Healthcare Decisions Day, which encourages us to discuss and complete advanced directives such as health care proxies and living wills. Forms are available on the New York State Health Department website or from health care providers, and you don’t need a lawyer or notary public to complete these forms. All of us should complete a health care proxy once we turn age 18 and update it regularly.
Around Thanksgiving 2015, my father was diagnosed with renal cell (kidney) cancer. It was considered highly treatable; he felt strong and was unworried about his prognosis. He named his wife, my stepmother, as his health care proxy in the event he could no longer make decisions for himself.
In early May 2016, he felt ill and drove himself to the emergency room. He was admitted to hospice care and passed away two days later. The suddenness of it was shocking. My stepmother was present to make medical decisions once he became unconscious, but she was exhibiting signs of cognitive decline and some decisions were illogical and contradictory. A nurse asked if there was anything written down that could illuminate his wishes.
On my father’s kitchen counter sat the blank paperwork that could provide those answers. His doctor’s office had sent it home with him, but he never filled it out.
My brother and I conferred: had either of us ever spoken to him about what he wanted if he were unable to make medical decisions for himself? No. It had never been discussed. The doctors looked at us expectantly for answers, and we didn’t have any.
The health care proxy was simply the legal document identifying my stepmother as a source of decision-making, but it wasn’t enough because we didn’t know his wishes when she was unable to complete her duties.
If you don’t have a health care proxy – download a form now at www.health.ny.gov/professionals/patients/health_care_proxy in honor of National Healthcare Decisions Day and fill it out. That’s step 1. But assigning a person as your proxy is unhelpful if you fail to tell them how you want to spend your final days. These aren’t easy conversations, and the Conversation Project www.theconversationproject.org can help you discuss your advanced care wishes with your family and friends. For the sake of my younger self – who didn’t know if my father wanted to be intubated, resuscitated or provided a feeding tube – let your loved ones know your wishes.
Sarah Reckess, JD
Assistant Professor of Bioethics and Humanities, SUNY Upstate Medical University |
